There is a place I go when I am still.
An immense world.
A vast realm of silence.
I listen to my breath,
exhale my nagging thoughts,
become aware of my awareness.
I focus on the colored dots
swarming just behind my eyelids.
Often, that’s as far as I get,
hovering on the boundary of my waking life,
sitting quietly on my yoga mat or outdoors at sunrise.
But sometimes I go deeper.
The first time I crossed the threshold
I felt a surge of elation.
The dots became stars.
The colors luminesced and expanded
like the patterns in the iTunes Visualizer.
My consciousness unfolded.
I felt like I was falling,
a sudden vertigo that reminded me of
being launched into hyperspace
from my seat at the Cine Capri Theater.
I arrived at a place without words,
beyond want or need,
reproach or blame.
My peace surpassed understanding.
I go back when I can,
hover for a moment or a year,
floating on a buoyant dream.
I hear sounds on the edge of awareness.
I feel tears on the face of the body I inhabit.
When I am bold I practice dying.
Just a peek, mind you.
I flirt with the Great Beyond,
feel the hand of the almighty
emerge from the sleeve of his voluminous cloak
and tickle the backside of my soul.
I often wonder what happens in these moments,
a union with cosmic consciousness
or a simple dance of neurons?
Will my being survive?
Will I recognize you there?
Will it be you
or the person I see when I look through you,
past the golden flecks in your aquamarine eyes?
When I was young they told me
I could get to heaven just by believing.
I would have my own mansion
and my hair would always be perfect.
Not everybody could attain this state of grace, they added.
It would be easier to fit a camel through the eye of a needle
than to squeeze my giant ego into that blessed land.
Jesus helped me solve this eternal riddle.
The Kingdom of God is within you,
he told me, tapping his chest.
I needn’t do anything special to inhabit this realm:
Just dust off the innocence
I left on the top shelf of my childhood.
And so I sit, now and again, and just be.
I let go of cognition. I follow my bliss.
The door opens naturally after a few steady breaths.
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ἡ βασιλεία τοῦ θεοῦ ἐντὸς ὑμῶν
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